


Cannon Fodder

by Uakari



Category: Karneval
Genre: Gen, Humor, Silly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-09
Updated: 2013-07-09
Packaged: 2017-12-18 07:13:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,549
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/877074
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Uakari/pseuds/Uakari
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>All Eva asks is that the children not be traumatized.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Cannon Fodder

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Bottan](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bottan/gifts).



> Birthday fic for Bottan, who wanted "Yogi tying ribbons in Gareki's hair." Happy birthday you marvelous woman, you! And I apologize for letting this spiral out of control so quickly... >.>

“Tsukumo-chan, another pink one!”

“I…I can’t tell which are pink…” Tsukumo stares nervously at the ribbons she has dutifully collected and brought along on this midnight caper, and wonders vaguely if staring at them long enough might make a pink or yellow or even a blue stand out from the monotone jumble tangled around her fingers. There is a faint blue light working its way in through the curtains, but apart from this, the room is dark enough to hide even a sparkling prince and his reluctant partner in crime. 

“Oh…well, that’s fine,” Yogi’s voice belies his disappointment, “I suppose anything should do.”

“Okay,” Tsukumo affirms quietly and sets about unraveling the first ribbon her fingers catch against.

“Of course, if you could find one with glitter, that would be best.”

“I’ll see what I can do,” she sighs. There’s a specific texture to the glittered ribbons, but they all seem to be digging their way deeper beneath their less flashy brethren and evading her blind groping. Her finger pads finally graze over the top of something that feels like it’s been woven through with silver and she plucks quickly at it before it’s lost to the darkness again. “Yogi…” she says carefully as the ribbon slips away from her fingers, “I still don’t know that this is a good idea…”

_“Eh?”_ She might not be able to see his face, but she can read the surprise there just as well as if he were standing under a spotlight. “Tsukumo-chan! What’s wrong?”

“I don’t think Hirato-san would approve of hazing-”

“It’s not hazing!” Yogi insists, but the frenzied pace his breathing suddenly takes and the ever louder flailing of his arms as he twists and ties the ribbons already in his possession leave her wondering how much he believes his own words. “Eva-nee-san said Gareki-kun needed to stop scaring children at the parade, so-”

“Eva?”

“Yes! She said _‘If there’s a repeat of last time, Nyanperowna will replace the human cannonball and since we don’t have a helmet big enough to fit his fat, sparkling head, Akari-sensei will be standing by to give you a full physical.’_ And then she laughed and did this thing with her hands and-”

“But why-”

_“’By any means necessary!’”_

“Yogi-”

“Is what she said!” he laughs nervously, “ _‘So if you have to knock him out first-‘_ ”

“But you’re only tying ribbons in his hair…”

“Well, yes, _ha_ …” Yogi rounds back on her, eyes gleaming wildly in the dim light, “If he looks silly, then the children will be less afraid, right?”

“R-right,” Tsukumo says slowly. She passes off the ribbons she’s unwound and sneaks around to have a better look at the poor, sleeping victim. “Silly” isn’t quite a strong enough descriptor for the headful of braids, twisted with sparkling ribbons and sticking out at odd angles that greets her, but as far as scaring children is concerned… “I think,” she swallows thickly, “I think he might actually be more scary this way.”

“What?!” Yogi practically shouts. He turns, trembling, to look back at his handiwork. “Well…well…that’s just because I haven’t done his makeup yet!”

“Makeup? Yogi…he’s going to…” she trails off, wondering if there is a polite way to say ‘kill you’ that won’t also turn Yogi into more of an anxious mess than he already is. There probably isn’t. She opts for a more oblique line of questioning. “What did you use to knock him out?”

“Knock him out?”

“Yes,” she nods emphatically, “How long do we have until he wakes up?”

“Oh, I…” He yanks at the roots of his hair and shuffles from one foot to another. “Hmm…”

“Yogi?”

“Well he didn’t wake up when I started, and I don’t really like using chemicals so-”

“Oh no.” 

“Tsukumo-chan?” Yogi yelps, “Why are you making that face? What’s wrong? It’s ok, he’ll like it once he gets used to it, you don’t have to worry. Tsukumo-chan? Hey, why are you-”

She tries to pull Yogi out of the line of fire, but it’s too late. The sleeping devil has been awakened and there is no mistaking the murderous intent in his eyes as he leaps from the top bunk and tackles Yogi to the floor. She’s frozen for a moment, wondering if she ought to interfere or simply let the inevitable run its course. It’ll be a real mess if Yogi is put out of commission for any stretch of time, and worse if the second ship loses Gareki to official discipline because of it-

Still, Gareki’s eyes suggest the end is nigh if she sets so much as a foot into his path.

This is ridiculous, she decides. She is Circus, and she does not fear her coworkers, fashion victims or no. 

She snaps the ribbons tight in her fists.

* * *

“Tsukumo-chan, you’re looking adorable as always this morning!” Eva settles down across the table from her and reaches for the teapot. “I hope they’re not running you ragged here, especially when you poured so much effort into our last job. Did you sleep well?”

Tsukumo sighs and stares at her hands. “I slept alright,” she says, “But I think we may have a problem.”

“Oh?” Eva sets her cup back on the table, looking very serious, “Has that incompetent done something again? I _told_ him-”

“Well, I don’t think it’s all Yogi’s fault-”

“And that little brat is going to answer to me if he can’t-”

“I’m sure he didn’t mean anything-”

“Eva, please don’t worry about it-”

“If I don’t worry about you, Tsukumo-chan, who is going to?”

“ _Whaaa~_ I want a donut.”

“I won’t hear it!” Eva shoves her chair violently away from the table and bangs her fist against the table. “I’ll set those two idiots straight and then-” she snaps her mouth shut as a thought occurs to her, “A donut?”

“Yes. _Whaaa~_ ”

“Oh, shut _up_.”

Eva blinks rapidly, trying to place the location of the decidedly male voices speaking to her and demanding things they had no right to and failing to find them in any reasonable part of the room. She ducks her head under the table. If they’ve been skirt-peeping, she is going to-

“Eva, I’ve been trying to say!” Tsukumo insists. Eva, finding no one lurking beneath the table, hauls herself back up and folds her arms across her chest to brace for the explanation. Tsukumo sighs and points toward the ceiling. 

Hanging over the table is one of the strangest works of art Eva has ever laid eyes on, made up mostly of flailing limbs and twisted silvered ribbons and scared eyes peering at her through their fastenings, pleading silently with her for freedom, for dignity, and most of all, for donuts. It also seems to be fighting with itself, or at least attempting to tear itself apart, but that’s neither here nor there. 

“Eva-nee-san~”

Eva’s eyes snap back to Tsukumo. “It’s a piñata, right?” She claps her hands together excitedly. “Such lovely craftsmanship, my darling! I wouldn’t expect anything less of you!”

“Actually, Eva, I don’t think we should leave them there, I just was afraid of what might happen if I let them down when no one else was here-”

“Oh pish posh,” Eva waves this away, “Your handiwork is second to none. I think we’ll carry it in the parade tonight and let the kids smack the candy out of it with little bats!”

The piñata swings and whines indignantly.

“Eva, please-”

“Or better yet, we could put it in the cannon and shoot it out over the audience! Candy and ribbons everywhere! How fantastic! The children will love it!”

“I was just hoping you might help me keep them separated until they cool off-”

“No, I quite like it as one piece,” Eva insists. She swipes a teaspoon from the table and pokes at the underside of the “piñata.” It half squeals, half whines in response, which seems to satisfy her. “I think we’ll call it ‘The Bonds of Friendship’ and carry it in the parade after all.” This is met with more whine-squeals, but she only holds up a hand in response. “It’s too pretty to let children break open, though,” she says, pounding a fist into her open palm, “And it would be such a shame to ruin all your hard work.”

Tsukumo fidgets and wonders if it might have been a better idea just to let the two of them battle it out.

“Still, I wonder if it’s too _frightening_ for children.” Eva taps a finger against her chin thoughtfully. “I suppose maybe we could carry some bats just in case. And if any of them cry-”

“They won’t cry!” one of the piñata’s head insists.

“…” the other head looks like it might breathe fire, but after a moment closes its eyes and sighs in agreement.

“We’ll bring the bats just in case,” Eva grins. She slips an arm around Tsukumo and leaders her away from the table. “And prep the cannon.”

“Don’t you think,” Tsukumo pauses on their way out the door, “That we out to let them down first?”

“What, and break the bonds of friendship before they’ve really had a chance to flourish?” Eva laughs and drags her toward the doorway, “What a _frightening_ suggestion.”


End file.
